Adoration. Obsession. Beautiful self-destruction


extras // History

Trapdoor’s first chapter was dreamed into being, typed up, and somewhat nervously presented to the Yaoi Underground Mailing List on May the 20th, 1999, back when the web was a far more intimate place. As is (supposedly) the case with many “first” novels, the story is intensely auto-biographical: beginning with a wish, ending like a dream…

Shortly after I began writing, the Trapdoor website followed, appearing in mid-1999 as part of my yaoi fiction/gallery/info network page the garden of desire, then hosted at In early 2001, it moved to its own section of the new domain, and stayed there until late 2002, when the domain was unfortunately swallowed up into the domain holding voids for 7 long years.

During this period, given many positive responses, I decided to publish Trapdoor in book form, with 12 chapters—or the first half of the novel—remaining online, both to attract newcomers and to help existing readers remember. The story itself was completed in Los Angeles in March 2001, edited during much of 2002, and finally brought to life as a paperback in April 2003 with the help of my best friend. It was originally released under my former pen name September Dawn, which I used extensively throughout Publishing the book via independent means was always my intention.

After disappeared, Trapdoor moved onto the new website at, while the short-run print copies came and sold out, and an e-book version was created instead. In early 2010, it became part of my indie publishing site @ Lost Violet Press. 2010 also saw the release of a remixed paperback and e-book edition, containing many fixes — changes in places, scenes, events, tellings or even characters — anywhere I believed that I hadn’t done the story of Raven and Pegasus enough justice; where I didn’t try hard enough.

Now, twenty years later (it honestly doesn’t feel nearly half as long as all that!) it has returned home to, and will be hosted here until I am able to host it no more. Oh, and it’s now free to read in its entirety, with the option of purchasing an e-book or print version via the Lost Violet Press store if you’d like to support the author’s work.

Anyway…to all the visitors over the years—those who have contributed fan works, participated in the contests, sent messages, viewed the fan art, read the story, those who have forgotten and those who’ve remembered or stumbled across it again, and those to whom it’s meant so much—a heart-felt thank you.